About Regret

Preamble. Last year, I started writing a “fiction story”. I tend to use hand quotes when saying so because I don’t know how to write a fiction story…yet. What I have composed is 160ish pages of encounters between two characters. There are fleeting moments of excellence, but an overall lack of composition, plot, character development and poetic flow. I want my writing – and this love story – to go deeper and to feel…more. To get there, I will be taking a writing class this year. Until then, I will be completing a number of writing exercises that I’ve stumbled upon online.
For this writing exercise, I am removing the poorly developed story bits, from an excerpt that I wrote while relaxing on the grass near English Bay last summer, and am focussing on the poetry. Poetry and free-verse inspires me, so I feel the need to bring more of this into my writing.

 

About Regret

Like an unwinding seam
Regret sneaks into a memory
disintegrates it into shards;
idea by idea,
moment by moment.

I long to live with experiences that form my future
while my past remains intact;
strengthening me,
giving me flicks of wisdom.

The burden of regret
stems from an act or the lack
of a risk taken,
a dream endeavored,
an effort to sew new life.

It comes from reflection
of youthful romance –
all encompassing,
intense and completely unbearable to everyone in our wake.
What was I thinking?

Regret clouds recollected thoughts
it stares, narrow-eyed at me from the pit in my belly.
My choices become questioned.
My entire thought process
rebuked.

Regret is senseless
because I should not doubt who I was
back then.
I only know who I am now
and who I want to be.
and sometimes saying no
is the bravest choice;
sometimes choosing not
is choosing me.

 

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